


A Lust for Honey

by Dalblue



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 19:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalblue/pseuds/Dalblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>OOC Sora and OOC Pooh. Crack fic. Sora has a wonderful time in the land of the Hundred Acre Wood</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lust for Honey

**Author's Note:**

> Probs sucks, don't really care, was just trying practice because I'm new to writing and it was my second thing.

 

Sora's Time In the Hundred Acre Wood

 

 

Sora's keyblade digs into Larxene's skin as she shrieks with pain and jumps back. “You're finished!” Sora yells.

“Yeah right, like I'd let a kid like you win!” Larxene replies.

Sora charges her and just as his keyblade is an inch away from her face, the girl in the cloak disappears. His keyblade swings into nothing but air. “Come back here! Don't you hide from me, you bitch!” he yells as he continues swinging his keyblade at the thin air.

Goofy and Donald run over to Sora to restrain him. “She's gone, Sora. We'll deal with her later.” Goofy says to him.

“Ugh, I hate these guys in the black cloaks! Let's just go to the next floor so we can find Namine already!” Sora turns around and notices something in the spot Larxene had disappeared. It was another set of world cards. He picks it up and says “Great, more stupid memories to relive.”

Sora and his party continue up to the next door. He opens the door, where he is asked by a strange voice, one he has heard only a few times since he had gotten to the mysterious castle, to choose a card. Four cards float in the air. He recognizes all four of the worlds as ones he had previously visited.

The first of the four is Hollow Bastion. While Sora's memory had been fading ever since he'd gotten to the castle, he certainly remembers the difficulties he had to overcome when he first visited the large castle. So Hollow Bastion is out of the question until he is stronger.

Atlantica is the second card and he remembers that he hated swimming around as a merman, so he ruled that one out.

The third card is Neverland. Sora had a great time in Neverland last time, mostly because he loved flying, but his principle is do the worst first and save the best for last.

He examines the last card and it shows nothing but the blank cover of a book. He can't place his finger on which world this is. He certainly recognizes it, but he can't remember what it is. He decides he will ignore his principle of doing the hardest place first, because he has too much curiosity for what the familiar picture of the card on the far right held inside.

He curls his fingers around the card with the book on it, and grips it tightly as the world spins around him. He starts getting dizzy so he closes his eyes. He opens them seconds later to see where he is. He is now alone, because Donald and Goofy get turned into cards whenever he visits a world.

He is in a meadow with a log on it. He can see what looked like a stubby, short, yellow figure sitting on the log. He slowly walks towards it. He recognizes this figure but he can't remember who it is. He walks around it and sees that in the front it is a bear with a red shirt on, digging what should have been his hands, but were instead stubs, into a jar of honey. Sora knows immediately where he is. He is in the Hundred Acre Wood.

He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want Pooh to notice him because once he knows you're here, you can't leave until you play all his stupid fucking games.

He quickly starts tip toeing backwards, trying to be quiet. He sees Pooh pull his stub out of the jar. This is bad. Pooh doesn't stop eating honey unless something is going on around him, because he is addicted, and as far as Sora is concerned, Sora is the “something” going on. Sora has to leave. Pooh turns his round body to face Sora and Sora knows he is fucked.

“Hey there pal!” Pooh says with his raspy voice.

Sora stops dead in his tracks. He stares at Pooh.

Pooh stands up and walks over to him. “Who are you, and what brings you here?”

“Oh... Uh, my name's Sora and I was just looking for a girl named Namine! Have you seen her?”

“No, Sora, I haven't. Sorry. Hey, do you think you could help me with a few things?”

“Uh... Sure.”

“Okay, we're gonna go get some honey that I found earlier, but there's bees around it. Think you could help me?” Pooh turns around as he says this, because he knows Sora will not decline. Pooh is simply too sweet to be declined, and he knows this.

“Okay. Fine.”

Pooh starts walking along a pathway leading out of the meadow. Sora follows.

Pooh and Sora continue until they reach a somewhat small circle, surrounded by nothing but trees except for the pathway out. Pooh walks over to a tree with a hole in it and reaches in to grab the honey he asked Sora to help him retrieve. He walks back to Sora and starts eating the honey.

“What did you needs me for?" Sora asks

"For the bees" Just as Pooh says this, a nearby tree erupts several swarms of bees.

Sora, using his keyblade attack cards, spends the next 20 or so minutes fighting bees as the chubby bear sits there and eats his honey. Sora finally kills all the bees and walks over to Pooh, exhausted. “I'm gonna go now, friend.” Sora says as he turns around.

“Uh, Sora, could you help with one more thing?”

“Oh.. uh... sure, I guess.”

Sora follows Pooh as he walks back along the path, going a different way this time.

Pooh stops at a couple of balloons tied to a tree. Pooh explains to Sora that he is supposed to grab Pooh's hand with one of his hands. Then he will grab the balloons with the other so they float to the top and Pooh can grab honey on the way up.

Sora looks at Pooh and says “Buddy, I'm pretty sure physics won't allow us to fly using only two balloons.”

But Pooh insists and finally Sora decides that it will probably end faster if he just humors Pooh, so he grabs Pooh's hand with one hand and grabs the strings of the balloons with the other. He asks Pooh to untie the balloons from the tree. Somehow, with his stubs, Pooh manages to untie the balloons from the tree.

Sora's feet come off of the ground, and he becomes incredibly confused at this. He is pretty sure physics would not allow two simple helium balloons to pick up a human being AND a bear, especially one of Pooh's size. “What the hell!?” Sora yells as they float up.

Pooh reaches into the tree and grabs some honey and shoves it into his mouth.

Sora looks up and sees a branch directly above him. One of the balloons hits the branch and pops, but somehow they stay afloat. Sora plants his feet firmly on the side of the tree and kicks off, causing him to avoid the branch and go around the side of the tree. He sees a balloon somehow floating in midair, not going up or down. He slightly opens his hand that already contains a balloon, and grasps the new balloon, once more holding two balloons. Sora continues up the tree, kicking away from branches as Pooh grabs and eats honey.

Sora knows he is far too high up to let go, or things wouldn't end well. He finally reaches the top of the tree and sees that there is a hole in the very center of the top.

Pooh tells Sora to let go of the balloons and slide down the hole.

“This is fucking insane! We're gonna die!” But he figures that it can only get worse if he lets them go any higher, so he lets go and they slide down the center of the tree. Sora's back and arms get covered in honey from inside the tree as they slide back down. They reach the bottom and come out of the tree as Sora tumbles and lands on his ass.

“Okay, I'm fucking done.” Sora says. He walks over to Pooh and says “I'm leaving. I hope you enjoyed your honey you fat fuck.”

Pooh looks at him and says “Could you help with one last thing? I promise it will be the last thing”

Sora looks at him like he's crazy “Fuck no. I've helped you with bees and trees and shit, and you've done nothing for me. I am done with this.”

Pooh looks at him with a stupid bear grin, the kind you'd see on a fat yellow bear who does nothing but eat honey and trick 14 year old kids into playing games with him all day, and says “I'll give you some new keyblade attack cards.”

Sora does not want to stay for another second, but he has been using shitty attack cards since he got to Castle Oblivion. “Okay, fine. But this is the last time I'm helping you.”

Pooh turns around and walks along the path until they get to Rabbit's house. “Rabbit needs you to help sort his food. To do this, he's gonna roll the vegetables down the hill at you, and you will hit cabbages into a pile on the left, and pumpkins into a pile on the right.”

Sora stops and looks at him and says “Why can't the asshole sort the food by himself?”

“Because it's too heavy for him to lift with his rabbit hands.”

They arrive at Rabbit's house.

Sora gets into position at the bottom of the hill, on the path.

Pooh sits off to the side and watches.

Slowly, cabbages and pumpkins start rolling down the hill and he easily hits them off to the side. Over the course of the next few minutes, the speed at which the vegetables start rolling down the hill gets progressively faster. Soon, vegetables start rolling past Sora because he can't hit them fast enough. “God damnit, this is fucking stupid.” he mutters to himself.

Eventually, a swarm of bees come out and gather around Pooh. Pooh sees the bees and gets up to run. Pooh could choose **ANY** direction to run. But he chooses to run straight into the path of the rolling vegetables.

Sora continues trying to hit vegetables as they come near him, while this clusterfuck of crazy shit begins. “POOH, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT.” Sora yells as he continues trying to hit vegetables.

Then, the vegetables just stop. Pooh continues running around and Sora looks at the top of the hill, then all of a sudden, the biggest fucking pumpkin Sora has ever seen comes over the top of the hill and begins rolling down, heading straight for Pooh. Sora yells “POOH, GET OUT THE WAY OR YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING DIE.”

Pooh manages to run out of the way and the pumpkin rolls straight past him and hits Sora before he can think to jump out of the way.

It rolls over Sora and Sora lies on the ground, just staring up. He quickly stands up and walks over to Pooh, limping from the injury the giant pumpkin had just given his leg. “Okay, give me my fucking cards right now or I swear to god I will come to your house in the middle of the night, steal all of your honey, and I will fucking burn your house down.”

Pooh hands him the keyblade cards and Sora turns around to leave.

“Thanks for helping out. Things are hard, with my bee allergies and what-not.”

Sora turns back around and walks over to Pooh. He grabs him by his sides and picks him up and starts shaking him incredibly violently. “BEE ALLERGY? YOU HAVE A FUCKING BEE ALLERGY? YOU HAVE A BEE ALLERGY AND YOU SPEND THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY GOING NEAR TREES FILLED WITH BEES, WHICH COULD EASILY KILL YOU? I WILL FUCKING KILL EVERYTHING YOU LOVE. I WILL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER FEEL ANYTHING BESIDES PAIN EVER AGAIN. I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL.” He throws Pooh down and stands over Pooh.

Pooh kicks him off and Sora lands on his back. Pooh walks behind a tree and walks back out from behind it holding a chainsaw. He revs it up and walks over to Sora. He lightly and just barely touches the active chainsaw to Sora's skin. A decently sized cut is made, and it starts gushing blood. Pooh bends over and dabs his stub into the blood. “Some honey for my tummy” he says as he licks the blood off of his stub. He takes the chainsaw to Sora's skin violently.

 

 

 

                                                                                         Alternate ending

 

 

He quickly stands up and walks over to Pooh, limping from the injury the giant pumpkin had just given his leg. “Okay, give me my fucking cards right now or I swear to god I will come to your house in the middle of the night, steal all of your honey, and I will fucking burn your house down.”

Pooh hands him the keyblade cards and Sora turns around to leave.

“Thanks for helping out. Things are hard, with my bee allergies and what-not.” Sora turns back around and walks over to Pooh. He grabs him by his sides and picks him up and starts shaking him incredibly violently. “BEE ALLERGY? YOU HAVE A FUCKING BEE ALLERGY? YOU HAVE A BEE ALLERGY AND YOU SPEND THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY GOING NEAR TREES FILLED WITH BEES, WHICH COULD EASILY KILL YOU? I WILL FUCKING KILL EVERYTHING YOU LOVE. I WILL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER FEEL ANYTHING BESIDES PAIN EVER AGAIN. I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL.” He throws Pooh down and stands over Pooh. He bends over and throws his hands around Pooh's neck.

Pooh struggles for a good 40 seconds before he finally stops moving. Sora checks Pooh's bear pulse so make sure Pooh is dead.

Pooh is indeed dead.

Sora then throws Pooh's body in a river where he will never be found. He proceeds to the exit of the Hundred Acre Wood. He looks at the nearby forest and lights the nearest few trees on fire using his magic power, firaga, in an attempt to burn the Hundred Acre Wood down. He exits and the world spins around him. He closes his eyes, and opens them back up to reveal he is back in Castle Oblivion.

Donald and Goofy stand beside him. Goofy asks “How did the Hundred Acre Wood go?”

Sora replies with “Just fine. I helped Pooh out with a few problems. He said we should come back soon. I think we should do just that.”


End file.
